Adoption, Here we go again!

    It's already December! A week away from Christmas! The month of December brings many emotions. Today December 17th, 7 years ago I entered the MTC to start one of the greatest adventures of my life. Serving a mission in Thailand has forever changed me for the better and prepared me for all of life's challenges that we have and will face. Seven years ago I would have never guessed what the month of December would mean to me and my family. This Sunday will mark the one year anniversary of being an eternal family! There is no grater knowledge than the simple truth, families can be together forever! I know this with my whole heart and i'm so grateful for the sealing power that gives me the promise that my family will always be together.

   

Our Sealing Day 

December 20, 2014

This year this month has not only brought back all the emotions of these wonderful things, But it has also brought some new challenges as well. We have decided that it is time to start the adoption process again. When we first decided this I had no idea that it would be so much harder the second time around.  We have been working with a wonderful caseworker who was able to get our home study finished very quickly for a situation we had. Unfortunately that did not work out so we now begin the process again. I've said it before but it is so true, adoption is not for the faint of heart. This time the calls of "i'm sorry but..." are so much harder to her, it not only is pain of not feeling good enough, but its pain of feeling like we are being judge for the type of parents we are. It feels like not only are we being rejected but so is our little girl. Its hard to feel that way when you are convinced you have the worlds most perfect child. All the pain and emotions from the first time around come flooding back and it makes me wonder if I am strong enough to do it all over again. As I sit here feeling all these emotions I think of Viv's amazing birth mom, her courage and strength and grace and I hope that I can have some of that as we start this journey again. I find myself staring at paper work to fill out, wondering how i'm going to sum up my family, our goals, desires, who we are into a short paragraph. Somedays I find myself angry at infertility, and other days I find myself so grateful for it. At the end of everyday, I find myself so grateful for my little girl and the amazing way she came into this world and to us. That is what gives me hope to fill out one more paper, write one more story about us. I know she will make the best big sister, I know she wants someone other then her dogs to play with. I know we want to welcome more family into our lives and so because that knowledge out weighs all the hurt and doubt, we begin this journey again... Nick, Tabitha & Vivian are adopting! 

Because of Him

#BecauseofHim

I have been meaning for a while to write a new post. Life has been so blissfully busy that it just escapes me. This week as we have prepared for easter I have I have seen many post comments pictures and videos with the hashtag because of Him. I love to see the world turn their gratitude and hearts to the Savior. The last 9 months of my life I have thought everyday of they joy I have because of Him. When I look at the face of my little girl, with her perfect beautiful eyes and her happy toothless smile, I know it was all because of Him that she is ours. I have found myself in the last few months feeling grateful for the sorrow, the pain and the blessing of infertility. While the sorrow and pain of infertility will never leave I have now been able to look upon it with gratitude.  

    "you receive no witness until after the trial of your faith" As I look at the trial we face to have a family my heart breaks, when I see others and their pregnancies I realize that is something I will never have. I have come to truly understand what it means when it is said "all that is unfair in life will be made right through the Atonement." While I will never carry my child inside of me I do carry a love and desire for them in my heart. This love does not dwindle or waver and it only increased when we finally met her. God has given me the opportunity to have a glimpse of His plan from His view. Being part of the adoption process only increases my faith in God and his plan for each of us. As he places these beautiful strong and courages women into the lives of so many of us desperately seeking what we can not have on our own, we are shown how God Himself grants each of us the gift to raise His children.  These children are not ours, they are His, the way that Vivi joined our family reminds me that everyday. She has such a sweet strong spirit about her, she is confident in who she is (yes at only 11 months she knows), she loves life and brings joy to all around her. Many of her qualities come from Her strong courageous birth mother. This child whom we pleaded with for daily, whom we searched the world over to find, God in His gracious mercy allowed us to bring her into our home to learn from her and to have a daily reminder of His grace and love for ALL his children.  #BecauseofHim We got to adopt, #BecauseofHim infertility did not beat us, #BecauseofHim We have a beautiful family. Because of Him!

6 months of Gratitude

All month long I've watched and listened as people have been expressing gratitude. November seems to have the affect on people. What better way to usher in the holidays then with a day of gratitude. November has held big things for us, November is when Nick asked me to marry him and when we found out we were infertile, and adoption awareness month, But this year it's the month our sweet baby girl turned 6 months old. We have so much to be grateful for!

6 months old.

The last 5 months for us has been pure bliss. Our little girl has brought so much joy to our lives and all those she is around. Adoption has truly blessed and changed our lives! We are so grateful for Viv's amazing brithmom. She has so much love for this little girl. This Month we are grateful for her and giving us this blessed opportunity to be parents. We couldn't imagine life without our sweet little angle in it. She numbs the pain of infertility and brings more joy then we ever thought possible in our lives. We are so blessed to be part of the adoption family. 

Viv got to have pictures take by sweet pickles photography. Kari did such and amazing job of capturing viv's personality and her beauty. We love these pictures! 

Over the past few months we have made some fun memories, and had some big events. In August we were able to give Viv a name and a blessing. This is something I have waited my whole life for, there is something so sweet about a baby blessing. Nick did such a beautiful job and brought such a sweet spirit to the meeting that day. We felt so loved by all the people who came out to support us and especially Viv. I am so grateful for the gospel in our lives, i'm especially grateful for a husband who holds and honors his priesthood. 

My awesome fiends that came! 

Viv and her Daddy

Nick's awesome friends!

Grandma and her sisters 

We love Kim and Kaylee

Great Grandpa and the boys

This girl is so loved by her cousins

C and Viv

My Dad and Nick

Uncle Ian 

Aunt Hannah

Aunt Hayley, Carson & Stratton

Uncle A.J. and Aunt Andrea

Uncle Levi, Aunt Marissa, Finn, Lila & Gwen

Grandpa & Grandma

Our little family

We didn't get pictures of everyone that came, but we are so grateful for all those that made the effort, it was a beautiful day. Now we look forward to December when we get to go to the temple and become a forever family! 

I am so grateful for temples, eternal families, and adoption. We truly have a blessed life! 

We are looking forward to a joyful wonderful holiday season! 

(Thanks again Sweet Pickles Photography for the amazing pictures!)

Becoming a Family

Our "Birth" Story :

I'm not entirely sure where to begin our story. After our failed adoption we were left with little hope, but Nick and I were not going to let the failure keep us down. We got back to work and started finding new ways to raise funds for our adoption. Nick and I were busily going about life when one friday morning we got a call...

Firday May 30th- Nick and I recieved a call from our agency telling us that we did not get picked by the birthmother who was currently viewing our profile. They also said that they had a baby for us and asked if we would be interested. All the informaiton we had at the time was that it was a baby girl and we would need to fly out that day. I was so excited I didn't even have words to express myself, I called Nick and immediatley we went to work on getting a flight and hotel. Looking back I see what a risk this could have been for us. We knew nothing about the Birthmom or the Birthfather, we had no medical history on them or they baby; we were walking into this blindly. From the moment they told us about her, it all felt right; we knew that no matter what issues there were, this was our baby. A few hours later we got a call back from the agency. We were sitting on pins and needles scared that things would fall through like last time. This time when they agency called they had more information. Our baby girl was born premature, she was already a month old and was supposed to be released from the hospital; however as life would have it her heart rate dropped and she had to be in the hospital for a few more days. This gave Nick and I some time to get a few things in order before taking off.

Tuesday June 3rd- After an anxious weekend of waiting and having to keep our news to ourselves (still being worried that things would fall through.) Nick and I recieved a call that our little girl was released from the hospital and we needed leave. We went home put some clothes in a suitcase and were on our way to the airport. We met up with the representative from the agency and flew to our baby girl. We got in about midnight and headed to the hotel...next morning we would be meeting our little girl.

Wedensday June 4th- After getting no sleep, Nick and I sat in our hotel room just waiting for the call to go sign the papers. Finally about 11 am we were told to go meet with the case worker, we signed all the papers and were offically parents. As we sat waiting for the birth family and our little girl I don't think I have ever been so nervous! Finally we heard a knock on the door this was it, we were going to meet our girl. The birth family walked in and there was a feeling of complete peace. They were all perfect, it was like meeting old friends. We talked for a few minutes and then decided we should all go out to eat. We went to a restuarant down the street and had lunch as a big family. It was a perfect day. After lunch we said goodbye and parted ways. So many emotions flowed through me there is no way I could explain them all; being part of this was nothing short of a miracle. Our little girl has the most amazing birth mom, she was everything we could have asked for. She was strong and intelligent, pretty, kind and funny. She loved this little girl with all her heart. She provided love and support for her for the first month of her life and was now placing her with a family that longed for her. She will never truly understand the hero she is in my life. She gave us the one thing we wanted most in life and could not give ourselves. She is the strongest woman I know. We will think of her everyday and tell our little girl about what an amazing birthmother she has. It truly was a blessed experience. After walking though this process I see how much Heavenly Father knows each one of us, He loves us and wants us all to be happy. Sometimes we have to walk through the pain to find the joy.

On May 6th we thought our world was over, we had just lost a child and felt like we would never have a family. Little did we know that our baby girl was being born that day and in a short month we were united with her. We are now a very happy famiy of 3 plus 2 puppies :) life at this point just all makes sense.

We know there will be trials down the road; it will not be easy. Our baby was born 8 weeks early and because of that may have a few complications. The thing we know is this is our baby girl, and we will do anything for her! We will give her the best we can in life. We are proud to welcome to our family Vivian Lois, our little angel.

Welcome Home Vivian Lois